Take a deep breath and put your feet behind your head

Were you watching Bloomberg on your iPhone last night? Did you watch the markets while you laid in bed or drank a whiskey sour at some bar in the deepest part of Asia? If you did, if you could not sleep, if you worried about portfolio and had the criminal heebie-jeebies about the world’s financial markets, you no doubt noticed that the Dow Jones Index had the worst drop at close in the history of the markets.

Which means, you will now be using your mobile phone to watch yoga videos. No, really. If you are in India, you will no doubt want to pay Rs99 and receive an hour of Shilpa Shetty yoga lessons to somehow disengage yourself from the attachment you have to your dwindling financial reserves.

The videos have been cut and edited such that each video captures one complete Asana. The Asanas are categorized according to the benefits they provide like Back Asanas, Stomach Asanas, Neck & Shoulder Asanas and Pranayam [Breathing] among others. Also on offer are detailed write-ups explaining the benefits and description of each Asana. Apart from these videos, consumers can also have Shetty in her Yoga poses as their mobile wall-papers and screen-savers.

Vodafone is offering a pack of Rs 99 where the user can download unlimited Shilpa’s Yoga videos in one hour. The pack also contains a step by step process of each Asana. Likewise Airtel, Tata, Reliance, BPL and Idea are also offering Shilpa’s Yoga content for download.

I am serious. Wall Street is cratering. It’s bad. Relax. Tap into that eternal god in you. The ego-tripping CDO market didn’t work.

Soon, you will have to sell your phone. But don’t worry, you can always take yoga with you. Buy the lessons now, learn them, indoctrinate them, nurture them. Align your body, breathe. You are your yoga. Namaste.